I am opinionated, but I do not like to argue. It's a complete waste of energy to me. However, for part of my Concepts of Music Ed grad class, I have to develop a position paper on an Action Ideal set forth by the Mayday Group. My A.I. is 7a.
Action Ideal #7 says
An extensive and intensive consideration of curriculum for music education is needed as a foundation to greater professional unity and must be guided by a sound philosophical process.
a. What philosophical, curricular, psychological, and social principles and criteria should guide curriculum development, evaluation and criticism?
Let me say that I chose one of the easier A.I.'s - I thought.
So I am researching.....trying to find some information that will lead me to a position paper that has an argument and counterargument. Not only do I have to argue it, I have to argue BOTH sides!!?!?!?
I am finding some information - some of it is quite archaic. The argument/counterargument is developing into traditional vs. contemporary perspectives in music education. I guess any topic has the old v. new argument.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
gift-giving made difficult
Let me preface this rant by saying...without children, I am self-centered, and yet probably more self-aware than most women my age. All I've got is time on my hands and most of it is unbalanced.
***
I am plagued with the challenge of self-satisfying gift giving. It is a concept that I put aside so long ago out of hurt and disbelief that I became a people-pleasing gift giver. When I was a child, I used to give my mom gifts that I made or picked out - I can remember being SO HAPPY to give her the gift. It did satisfy me to choose and give the gift. And yet, the gift was was later found on a back shelf hidden away or buried in a drawer. There was no real appreciation for the gift. Lesson to parents - for an appropriate amount of time, display your child's gift to you or at least use it. In the first couple of years of dating Steve, I would buy gifts for Elizabeth that I enjoyed buying and creating the entire package. That was so fun! Again, tossed aside gifts or it was something she didn't like and she made it known. That wall of expectation....I didn't know it was there, first of all, and second, it has been difficult to penetrate. So, I began to exhaust myself finding a gift for her that she would enjoy - it didn't matter. The result was still the same. She is happiest with gifts that she can choose, someone wraps up for her and there is no surprise in the unwrapping. Total control issues. It may do well for me to give a AmEx gift card for the next few years until I can wrap my head around this idea of self-satisfying gift giving. Yet one more area of my life that I can exercise self-centeredness.
The other day, Anna said to me "I can help you choose a gift that you would like to buy for Elizabeth." My first thought was "I don't know what I'd like to buy her, but I would like to get her something that she needs." I think for this pregnancy, we are going to become a diaper provider. That requires little thought and absolutely no emotion.
On the weekend of her wedding, 5 yrs ago, I overheard Elizabeth's business partner say "Tescille just keeps trying." Yep, that's me - child of an alcholic with tons of co-dependent issues - it's my thing. But I am tired of this one-sided relationship going nowhere. It's like dealing with a Seinfeld character - one dimensional on a show about nothing. I keep holding out hope that she will change, until then, I am stuck in this 3 steps forward-2 steps back relationship of frustration.
I have been looking on the internet for the psychology of gift giving or something that would help me think differently about this issue. Apparently, there are all kinds of research studies regarding the social psychology (not sociology) of gift giving, but it is difficult to find articles on the web about it. Social psychology reports include gift giving as part of studies in....reciprocity.
For the past 3 years, we have had this Christmas list thing going in the family. We provide one, the senior Risers do not, and the Parkers...well, Robert tells us what he wants and eludes to what Elizabeth wants. I refuse to do it again this year. We would put things on the list that we needed or wanted, all moderately priced. You get to point in your life, when you have everything you need. Without kids, you buy what you need for yourself or you allow yourself expensive toys. Anyway....They think they know us, but they don't -so they need a list to make it easy. I even went so far as to provide specifics, complete with websites. Sometimes, we get the specific items. Other times, we get downgraded items. My favorite (sarcasm here) is when they say "well, we saw that on your list but we didn't understand why you wanted it, so we didn't get it for you." Seriously? Why do you need to understand why I want it? You wanted the list, we provided it. Not this year. When they ask for the list this year, I am going to say "Whatever you'd like to give us is fine."
***
I am plagued with the challenge of self-satisfying gift giving. It is a concept that I put aside so long ago out of hurt and disbelief that I became a people-pleasing gift giver. When I was a child, I used to give my mom gifts that I made or picked out - I can remember being SO HAPPY to give her the gift. It did satisfy me to choose and give the gift. And yet, the gift was was later found on a back shelf hidden away or buried in a drawer. There was no real appreciation for the gift. Lesson to parents - for an appropriate amount of time, display your child's gift to you or at least use it. In the first couple of years of dating Steve, I would buy gifts for Elizabeth that I enjoyed buying and creating the entire package. That was so fun! Again, tossed aside gifts or it was something she didn't like and she made it known. That wall of expectation....I didn't know it was there, first of all, and second, it has been difficult to penetrate. So, I began to exhaust myself finding a gift for her that she would enjoy - it didn't matter. The result was still the same. She is happiest with gifts that she can choose, someone wraps up for her and there is no surprise in the unwrapping. Total control issues. It may do well for me to give a AmEx gift card for the next few years until I can wrap my head around this idea of self-satisfying gift giving. Yet one more area of my life that I can exercise self-centeredness.
The other day, Anna said to me "I can help you choose a gift that you would like to buy for Elizabeth." My first thought was "I don't know what I'd like to buy her, but I would like to get her something that she needs." I think for this pregnancy, we are going to become a diaper provider. That requires little thought and absolutely no emotion.
On the weekend of her wedding, 5 yrs ago, I overheard Elizabeth's business partner say "Tescille just keeps trying." Yep, that's me - child of an alcholic with tons of co-dependent issues - it's my thing. But I am tired of this one-sided relationship going nowhere. It's like dealing with a Seinfeld character - one dimensional on a show about nothing. I keep holding out hope that she will change, until then, I am stuck in this 3 steps forward-2 steps back relationship of frustration.
I have been looking on the internet for the psychology of gift giving or something that would help me think differently about this issue. Apparently, there are all kinds of research studies regarding the social psychology (not sociology) of gift giving, but it is difficult to find articles on the web about it. Social psychology reports include gift giving as part of studies in....reciprocity.
For the past 3 years, we have had this Christmas list thing going in the family. We provide one, the senior Risers do not, and the Parkers...well, Robert tells us what he wants and eludes to what Elizabeth wants. I refuse to do it again this year. We would put things on the list that we needed or wanted, all moderately priced. You get to point in your life, when you have everything you need. Without kids, you buy what you need for yourself or you allow yourself expensive toys. Anyway....They think they know us, but they don't -so they need a list to make it easy. I even went so far as to provide specifics, complete with websites. Sometimes, we get the specific items. Other times, we get downgraded items. My favorite (sarcasm here) is when they say "well, we saw that on your list but we didn't understand why you wanted it, so we didn't get it for you." Seriously? Why do you need to understand why I want it? You wanted the list, we provided it. Not this year. When they ask for the list this year, I am going to say "Whatever you'd like to give us is fine."
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