I'm making an effort....

...to talk to my mother without getting the jitters and needing a path of maximum avoidance. Today is my 36th birthday. Steve and I went to church and then met the Riser's and the Parker's for lunch at Palotta's - my fave Italian restaurant. My DH made me a card - he couldn't find one that he liked in the store. So, he made one - very clever and loving. Bob & Liz gave me the Paula Deen Celebrates cookbook. Have I mentioned that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Paula Deen? I do. The Riser's gave me some birthday money - I'll save it for later. My brother Grant called and left me a vmail of him and the boys singing Happy Birthday to me - LOVED IT!!!!! Linda Joy called and I talked to her for a bit. My mother called later in the evening - I went ahead and answered. We talked for about 30 minutes. Mostly about Grandma's funeral. I am trying to talk to her and be ok at the end of a conversation. But sometimes, I can't totally get her voice out of my head. I was sharing with her some positive things that the pastor said about Grandma - I didn't like her responses. Her responses backhanded the positives - it was disappointing. I know that none of the women on my dad's side of the family got along, but the woman that supposedly caused all the hurt is now deceased. Why can't we let go and remember the good? Why does the hurt have to keep lingering and why must we continue to keep hurting others as a result? This is the reason for my estrangement from Mother in the first place. We just don't have to live in unhealthy ways - we can be better.

Overall, a nice, quiet birthday. I'm 36.

Preparing for Lap Band Surgery: Tomorrow, I am going to do my psych eval. Tuesday, I go to the Nutrition consult. Then it's on to hounding the insurance co. I am very happy things are going well and FAST!!!!