Heavy Heavy Hangs Over My Head

Had I known, I woulda......

woulda what? WHAT is a laundry list of things to say, people to hug, songs to sing, places to go, people to please, etc. In the end, the WHAT is time misspent.

Eda Margaret Cole passed away today. My paternal grandmother - she was in her mid-80s and married for about 65 years to Bobbie Cole. Two of the greatest people I have ever met in my life. In their own form, greatness has always been simple.

Who will make my Grandpa coffee each morning? Who will make sure he has Lava soap? Who will stand over the washing machine to keep it from shaking and making so much noise? Who will yell at the dogs when they run through the house or bark at each car that drives by the farm? Who will talk for 4 hours without taking a breath and in the midst of it tell my Grandpa to stop playing solitaire and just visit with us? Who will make homemade ice cream in a stainless steel bowl and serve it with stale white cake and frosting? Who will stand at front door and greet me when I come in?

She is the reason we had a piano in our house - in each of her son's houses, she placed a piano for her grandchildren to learn. Our piano was the cheapest at $300, but was used the most. She always made sure we had a bed to sleep in at her house - we NEVER slept anywhere else. I just realized how important that was to her. Grandma - she was a crabby old woman who loved God, her husband, and her sons. She cared for others, and had strong opinions about how we should live our lives. I was the only who pursued the music she gave us. Looking at her life, you can see parts of her in each grandchild. There are 7 of us and 10 or so great-grandchildren. I cannot tell of a time in my life when she got along with any female in our family.

She taught me a lot about cooking and tried to teach me about money. She made me get the eggs out of the chicken coop. She made me clothes - including nightgowns and bras! She made me play the piano everytime I walked in her house. Her house is full of rocking chairs. She made sure I knew how to set a table. She made the worst tea ever. She cooked T-Bone steaks in the oven - to perfection. She let us play outside, get dirty, and never worried about us getting hurt. Breakfast was always ready at 7am, lunch at noon, and dinner at 6pm - with coffee breaks for Grandpa at 10am and 2:30pm. When she yelled, it was more of a bellowed roar. She was the mother of 4 sons - two of which preceded her in death. Her husband was a Navy cook. She was a WWII wife who had a son while her husband was at war and she raised him till he came home. When her husband decided it was time to move from the drastic Illinois winters, he sent his wife and sons to Texas to find suitable land. He could not leave his dairy farm. She came to Texas by train and found him 342 acres of land that fulfilled his one request - the land had to have oak trees on it. She was a shrewd miser. She was the ultimate 20th century farm wife.

I am apprehensive about going to the farm on Friday - family lunch and a simple graveside service. The last time I went to the farm was when Daddy died. The first thing anyone said to me was Geneva "Your daddy thought you were the most disrespectful and ungrateful child." Some things - you don't forget, but oh my gosh, how you want to.

I haven't been in contact with my grandparents for 4 years. In the words of the Dixie Chicks - I'm taking the long way around. I loved my wedding day - it was surrounded with great strife - but the most special part of it (besides Steve) was my Grandma and Grandpa being there. It was like having Daddy there. Grandpa gave me away and it meant the world to me. At the wedding rehearsal, I was waiting to practice my walk down the aisle with Grandpa. I was pretty nervous and cold. Grandpa said to me, "A night like tonight, when you have been married as long as Mommy and I have, you won't remember in 60 years." When I asked him how he made it work for that long - he said "I kiss her each morning."